Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. Aristotle, Philosopher   #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Getting a dog is like getting married. It teaches you to be less self-centered, to accept sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car.  Will Stanton, Humorist  #inlawismdd

3 Simple Romantic Gestures: Relationship Advice

Have fun jump starting your romantic relationship by dedicating some alone time with your partner or spouse.  At the risk of being repetitive I believe the idea of “dating” your spouse deserves props!  After all it’s not a blind date, you know you’ll be attracted and there’s no waiting for your date to show up.  The best part?  If done right, it’s free and no in-laws necessary!

Got Jokes? : Relationship Humor

A short collection of family relationship jokes:

 

HOW many mothers-in-law does it take to change a light bulb? One. She just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around her. – I Am Staggered

My Relationship, Our Marriage: How I Knew He Was The One

     My life would no longer be my own.  No more freedom.  No more fun.    No more global vacations.  This was the end of my life as I knew it and no one was in line to help save me.  This was a journey from which there was no return.  I was getting married!

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a day knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps. 40^th U.S. President  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.  Oliver Wendell Holmes, Poet  #inlawismdd

How To Stop This Economy From Hurting Your Marriage

Understand your money style.  Money styles can clash and create conflicts in your marriage.  Take some time to figure out how each of you view money.  Dr. Ken Doyle,  Psychologist and Financial Planner (University of Minnesota) wrote a study I found interesting.  Here’s what I took away from it:

2 Easy Ways To Improve Your Marriage Relationship

Be sensitive to your spouses’ needs.  Don’t fall into the trap of hearing what you think he or she is saying.  Take the time to really listen.  Have an open heart and you will understand what your spouse needs from you. 

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

We all have a childhood dream that when there is love, everything goes like silk, but the reality is that marriage requires a lot of compromise. Raquel Welch, Actress  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

“There is no neediness in desire … there is no caretaking in desire. Caretaking is mightily loving, [but] it's a powerful anti-aphrodisiac.”  Esther Perel, Psychotherapist  #inlawismdd

Don't Be A Louse - Miss Your Spouse!

     Ever wonder what your husband is doing while you are away?  Find yourself missing his loud snore on the other side of the bed? Can’t understand why you miss the big lug?  According to Esther Perel  and her discussion on Ted “couples are most drawn to their partners when they are apart or reunite.”  

My MIL Translated - What MIL's Really Mean

MIL Says:     I just love that color on you!

MIL Means: You look like a banana.

MIL Says:     It sure is lively in this house.

MIL Means: These kids are out-of-control little animals.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.  Barbara De Angelis, Ph D   #inlawismdd

Goodbye Blackie Bantam

     Not long ago I shared that my in-laws are the greatest at giving the worst gifts imaginable.  Oversized sweaters, grill (the cheapest in quality they could find), jerseys with sexually explicit cartoons and live animals.  Yes, live animals.  If you’ve been following me, you know that before my husband and I were married they attempted to gift us a dog.  No worries – I stood my ground and thankfully so did my husband.  No pets until after we have a house and are married.  Most importantly, we would pick the pet ourselves.  Normal in-laws would have probably taken the hint, right? Lucky me, I got the ones that ride the short bus for in-laws.

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.  Ingrid Bergman, Actress  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it. Lyndon B. Johnson, 36^th U.S. President  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Enjoy the little things in life - for one day you’ll look back and realize they were the big things. Kurt Vonnegut, Writer  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain. Helen Keller, Author  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

Where there is love, there is life. Mahatma Ghadhi, Father of Indian Independence Movement  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding - Inspirational Quotes and Positive Thoughts

When work, commitment, and pleasure all become one and you reach that deep well where passion lives, nothing is impossible.  Author Unknown  #inlawismdd

Daily Ding

Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich. Sarah Bernhardt, Actress  #inlawismdd

Are You A Country Wife - Checklist

You know you’re a country wife:  

Negotiating With Your In-laws

     Recently a friend talked to me about her issues with her MIL.  My friend explained that her mother-in-law insisted on seeing her grandkids every weekend. Her mother-in-law was not interested in what my friend or her husband had planned with the children.  Her mother-in-law would not even look at her – preferring instead to direct the comments and questions to her son.  Wow, was this familiar.  Having just experienced something similar I offered my advice. 

     I suggested she speak with her husband and come to an agreement on how family or “quality” time would be spent.  Obviously, this includes their children.  Talk about how to handle confrontations like the one she described in the future.  In the meantime, I suggested she ask her husband to speak with his mother about the way his wife was treated at that last visit.  Not with anger but with soft, gentle reasoning.  “He really only has two choices – either he addresses it directly with Mom or deals with the consequences when you address it”, I said.  Needless to say he chose to take the lead and speak with his mom.

     After his talk with Mama-Bear they all sat down to have a grown-up conversation. My friend acknowledged her in-laws concerns regarding time with the grandchildren.  She and her husband promised to make more of an effort to visit and agreed to sleepovers during summer breaks, when convenient to both parents and grandparents. The grandparents agreed to follow certain rules (junk food, bedtimes, and types of movies).  In today’s society most American families are of the two-income variety.  So, given the work schedules of both parents weekly visits are just not feasible. Both sides agreed to try to visit two weekend per month. My friend commented that she felt as if she were negotiating a business transaction.  I told her she was doing just that.  She was negotiating for a better relationship with her in-laws.  Her in-laws were negotiating too.  For more time with their grandchildren – for a chance to make memories.  Her husband was negotiating for peace between his “growing-up” family and his “grown-up” family.

     At this point my friends’ husband went on to do something I thought was really awesome.  He asked his parents to understand that the world has changed since they were parents.  This influences the parenting skills required in raising children in this new world.  He reminded them of the stories they would tell him as a child – of the added pressures they faced as a young couple from their own in-laws.  He asked them to recall how they sometimes felt as if it was “us against them”.  His parents nodded.  He then asked them both to take a good look at his wife, the mother of his children.  Then in silence he took his wife by the hand, squeezed firmly and looked at both his parents. They got the message.

Daily Ding

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. Barbara De Angelis, Ph D - #inlawismdd

What You Wish You Could Tell Your MIL - So, Why Don't You?

Do:

Compliment me - Send positive energy my way; put a hold on the negativity. There must be something I do right in your eyes. Focus on that and let things grow from there.

Accept me - I'm not you, I will never be you, I’m the person your son fell in-love with.  I am the woman your son chose to spend the rest of his life with and have his children.  You raised him, trust you did a good job.

Acknowledge me - I am the woman of this house. Your home is your castle, this one’s mine! Respect the decisions that are made in my home, remember you are a guest. If I ask you not smoke in my home, don’t. If my home is vegan, don’t harp on the lack of meat in your meal.  If I say our bedroom is off limits, hello – there’s the whole rest of the house to roam.

 

Don't:

Blame me – I am not responsible for what your son says or does (or doesn't); he’s an adult.  Maybe he has “changed” – maybe he’s growing as a husband. He has new responsibilities now.  He still loves you, I promise that will not change.

Talk about me – Please don’t go behind my back and discuss me with your son.  This puts him in the middle of the two women his loves most in the world.  Don’t push him to choose, his choice may surprise you.  Instead come straight to the source – me.  I welcome the chance to change your mind about me.

Stalk me – Stop calling or visiting several times a day; give me time to miss you.  This applies to everyone: friends, co-workers and my  family.  No one likes to be smothered.  Do you really want to star in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? One guess on your role.

Wake me – Calls after 11PM for non-emergencies, really?  What thoughts running through your mind whispered “It’s okay, call them.  They’ll want to chat”.  Bored? Read a book. Lonely? Roll-over, see him – that’s your husband, wake him up.

 

     I want to be your friend.  I want to welcome you into my home and my life with open arms.  Help me learn to be a good partner for your son.  Share your stories of lessons learned.  Help me include you in our family. Recall how lonely you might have felt the first year of your marriage.  Keep reminding yourself that you are a DIL, too.  You “stole” someone’s son, “changed” him. Honor your marriage by honoring mine.  Now if you’re ready, come on in.  The welcome mat is out – the coffee is ready.

Daily Ding

The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. Robert C Dodds, Marriage Counselor   #inlawismdd

The Day Google Stopped Turning

     The majority of Americans drudged off to fight that Wednesday morning traffic while making their way to work today.  They were for the moment unaware of the horror that faced the rest of us.  Those of us that sit in our pj’s drinking hot coffee as they try not to spill it in the car.  Those of us that Tweet as they trek.  Those of us that Like as they load themselves up for car-pool.  Google was down. 

     Where were you when the Google world stopped turning?  The day Google stood still?  Searching for the next best topic to blog about?  Trying to check your e-mail? Maybe you were checking to see how many folks are following you today. Chances are this is a day we’ll be chatting about for quite a while.  There will finally be some new jokes that don’t mention Congress – well, okay not so sure about that one.  At the very least you can be sure someone will tie it in with Y2K.

     Confused parents suddenly found themselves with children trying to bond.  Office workers actually had to – gasp – work!  Twitter saw an increase in activity as panic set in at the inability to access Gmail, check blogs and chat with others brought some to the realization they may actually have to communicate in person.  Scary thought eh?  Hands were shaking as the withdrawal pains began.  How long will it take to fix?  Can it be fixed? Oh the agony! Must Google now, must search now, can’t take this much longer!

     Beads of sweat began to roll.  The clock ticked louder and louder as we waited.  Waited to know what happened.  Pondered what brought this Goliath down.  The only clue was the cute little Error 502 page asking us to try back in 30 seconds.  

      As for me, I took this time to perform household chores: laundry, sweep, mop and walk dogs.  I read a book, watched t.v., put the laundry away and looked out at my perfect country view. That took about one hour.  What to do what to do. Visit the in-laws – negative.  Call my sisters – negative.  Study – big negative.  Tick, tick, tick. Ho-hum.    

     Finally, a little after 1PM we all got some news – “The problem with Google Mail should be resolved.”  We wiped our brows, let out our collectively held breaths and sipped some more coffee. It’s all good. Nothing to see here people.

Improve Your Confidence In 5 Easy Steps

      Ever notice how your body language changes at the mere thought of a visit with the in-laws?  Find yourself being sucked into an argument when two minutes ago everything was coming up roses? Show your in-laws you are confident in yourself and your marriage in 5 easy steps!

     Shortly after my marriage my husband commented that I had changed and was getting negative.  I took stock of myself and realized it was true.  I was letting my in-laws contaminate the water in my marriage well, mess with my Kool-Aid!  Now I make it my goal to use the tools below with every interaction. The result?  One happy - and so far - happy marriage. 

Maintain Eye Contact – Don’t look away from your in-laws during the visit.  This is not to say one must stare rudely.  Simply don’t give in to the temptation to look at every object in the room until they either change the subject or leave.  Don't let them know they make you uneasy.  Make an effort to look directly at them and appear interested in the conversation.  You might find out you share a common interest, hobby or belief. Let yourself be open to a pleasant surprise.

Uncross Those Arms! – Have you ever noticed how quickly the mood changes once someone crosses their arms?  This can signal disinterest or defensiveness to those in the room.  Let your in-laws know you welcome their presence instead of bracing for a fight.

Smile – Stop before you react poorly to a comment or suggestion by your in-laws.  Think about something funny or happy.  A smile can be contagious –watch as others slowly begin to perk up and crack one of their own.  This also has the benefit of leaving your in-laws with a confused look on their faces.  They expected a direct hit and instead found you wearing your in-law armor. Your smile!

Be True To Yourself – Don’t put yourself down.  Review your good qualities – go ahead give yourself permission to know you’re wonderful, beautiful and smart. Notice how others will pick up on this and the mood in the room may go from gloom to glam!

Be quiet! – Before you respond to that nasty comment take a moment to consider the consequences.  Is it worth ruining the rest of your day?  Silence can mostly be your most effective weapon.  It gives you time to properly consider your response.  It shows your husband you’re not the one picking the fight.  It shows your in-laws you are in charge of you. They do not have the power to get a rise out of you. Do not give them access to your buttons.  After all, it’s what your parents are for!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily Ding

One always looking for flaws leaves too little time for construction. Lewis F. Korns, Author  #inlawismdd

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Easy Ways To Improve Your In-law Relationship

Be clear about your expectations of privacy as a couple.  Let your in-laws know you expect prior notification of their visits – no unannounced visits. I call them drop-bys – a short visit that is painful where the victim is left hurt and emotionally mangled and ends with the perpetrators driving away.

What I Learned From My Mom (Helps Me Survive My In-laws)

     Every child learns from their mother. They learn to be gentle or harsh, to be cruel or kind, to be funny or somber. I learned a lot from my Mom about the mother-child relationship that I am sure she’d like me not to share. On that note, here I go!

• The school nurse will call me if you’re sick, you’re not going to make me look bad by messing up your attendance record.
• What’s for dinner? Food. Now sit down!
• Go to your room and study. (minutes later) What are you doing in there? Go watch your brother!
• If you fall down and break your legs, don’t come running to me!
• Don’t look at me with that face.  I gave it to you, I’ll take it away young lady!
• You hurt yourself where? Let me see (SWAT!). Next time I tell you not to run, you’ll listen!
• Close your mouth – now eat!
• If I knew you’d be such a pain, I’d have closed my legs when I gave birth to you.
• Your father gave me all of you – so no, if I had to it all over again I wouldn’t marry him.
• If you make me late for church, I’ll kill you.
• Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I covet those ladies kids. Is He okay with a trade?
• Why did I have children? You tell me – you missed a spot.
• You only got an A? You were talking in class again weren’t you?
• Wait til your father gets home. So I can slug him for giving me you.
• You’re just like your father. Don’t smile, I can’t stand him either.
• What am I looking for? My receipt, I’m returning you – product does not function as advertised.

 

     Before the outcries of child abuse begin let me just point out that my Mom was the original Roseanne. Sure there were tears in my home – we weren’t the Brady Bunch either. But mostly there were laughs. There were one-liners. There were spit your food out, side splitting times. 

     Growing up and even now we have a tradition of reviewing the course of our day as a family. We try to see who has the funniest joke of the day.  The funniest story about work or school that day. Folks would come into my home at their own risk. My mother would be just as likely to hand you a bag of trash as a glass of iced tea to drink. She’d be just as likely to quote from the Bible (her parents were deacons) as to slug another kids mom cause he took my skateboard. What?  I was four he was twelve, how was that fair?

     What I learned from my Mom is life is going to have a lot of messed up moments. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you won’t make it through the day let alone the rest of your life.  I keep this mind when I come home and find another box of goodies my husband brought home (a.k.a mess). When my dogs decide to bark in unison with the chicken – all morning long. When my neighbors think it’s a good idea to set off fire crackers all night – nope not on the Fourth of July. When I look at my paycheck lately. Why I get my tax bill. When I visit my in-laws.  Why my in-laws visit me. When I think of my in-laws. Get the picture?

Thanks Mom!

Declutter Your Home Declutter Your Marriage

     Is clutter an issue in your home and marriage?  Does your husband refuse to pick up after himself? Are you the clutter-bug? Do you worry about comments from your in-laws regarding the lack of organization in your home? You’re not alone.

In-laws And Step-children: What Now?

     On the day I said “I do” I inherited not only a husband but in-laws and step-children. Step-children from more than one ex-wife. That’s right, I am wife number three. I told my husband once, “Strike three and you’re out! Of the marriage game, that is.” So this is the story of my one, my only great love and the baggage he brought with him.  This is the nightmare of having step-children and in-laws determined to end your story before it truly begins.

Vacation and In-laws, Really?

     Ever had your in-laws try to go on your honeymoon?  Have they shown up just as your pulling out of your driveway conveniently packed and ready to join you on your vacation?  Or are you what I refer to as the “lucky few” – those who get along with your in-laws.  Either way here is some advice on how to save your family vacation. 

Hold The Mayo Please

   I recently read a post on Thoughts From Paris called Six Weeks Of No Shampoo written by D.J. Paris (Follow Him on Twitter). He chronicles his attempt to use natural methods of “shampooing” versus the use of a commercial product for six weeks. Reading it brought back memories of my childhood which I am sure other women have experienced in one way or another.  So in typical fashion I’ve decided to share.

Fireworks and In-laws: DIL Anthem!

Well I seemed all right by dawns early light

Though I was a little worried and weak

I  tried to pretend I wasn't goin' again

But hubby done handed me the keys

The twins were only four years old that summer

And it always seemed like they wouldn’t just “stay!”

So I drove us all down to my MIL’s house

On Independence Day

Prioritze Your Marriage Not Your In-laws

     Do you find yourself spending most of your married life trying to please your in-laws?  This is a mistake - in your relationship with your spouse and your in-laws.  Prioritize your marriage.  By doing so you send a signal to your in-laws that while I would like to have a good and loving relationship with you, my spouse comes first.  The result might surprise you.