What I Learned From My Mom (Helps Me Survive My In-laws)

     Every child learns from their mother. They learn to be gentle or harsh, to be cruel or kind, to be funny or somber. I learned a lot from my Mom about the mother-child relationship that I am sure she’d like me not to share. On that note, here I go!

• The school nurse will call me if you’re sick, you’re not going to make me look bad by messing up your attendance record.
• What’s for dinner? Food. Now sit down!
• Go to your room and study. (minutes later) What are you doing in there? Go watch your brother!
• If you fall down and break your legs, don’t come running to me!
• Don’t look at me with that face.  I gave it to you, I’ll take it away young lady!
• You hurt yourself where? Let me see (SWAT!). Next time I tell you not to run, you’ll listen!
• Close your mouth – now eat!
• If I knew you’d be such a pain, I’d have closed my legs when I gave birth to you.
• Your father gave me all of you – so no, if I had to it all over again I wouldn’t marry him.
• If you make me late for church, I’ll kill you.
• Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I covet those ladies kids. Is He okay with a trade?
• Why did I have children? You tell me – you missed a spot.
• You only got an A? You were talking in class again weren’t you?
• Wait til your father gets home. So I can slug him for giving me you.
• You’re just like your father. Don’t smile, I can’t stand him either.
• What am I looking for? My receipt, I’m returning you – product does not function as advertised.

 

     Before the outcries of child abuse begin let me just point out that my Mom was the original Roseanne. Sure there were tears in my home – we weren’t the Brady Bunch either. But mostly there were laughs. There were one-liners. There were spit your food out, side splitting times. 

     Growing up and even now we have a tradition of reviewing the course of our day as a family. We try to see who has the funniest joke of the day.  The funniest story about work or school that day. Folks would come into my home at their own risk. My mother would be just as likely to hand you a bag of trash as a glass of iced tea to drink. She’d be just as likely to quote from the Bible (her parents were deacons) as to slug another kids mom cause he took my skateboard. What?  I was four he was twelve, how was that fair?

     What I learned from my Mom is life is going to have a lot of messed up moments. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you won’t make it through the day let alone the rest of your life.  I keep this mind when I come home and find another box of goodies my husband brought home (a.k.a mess). When my dogs decide to bark in unison with the chicken – all morning long. When my neighbors think it’s a good idea to set off fire crackers all night – nope not on the Fourth of July. When I look at my paycheck lately. Why I get my tax bill. When I visit my in-laws.  Why my in-laws visit me. When I think of my in-laws. Get the picture?

Thanks Mom!