Vacation and In-laws, Really?

     Ever had your in-laws try to go on your honeymoon?  Have they shown up just as your pulling out of your driveway conveniently packed and ready to join you on your vacation?  Or are you what I refer to as the “lucky few” – those who get along with your in-laws.  Either way here is some advice on how to save your family vacation. 

      Have kids? Use your in-laws as free babysitters.  You may not be able to have them sit every day so plan your itinerary accordingly. Decide along with your spouse what part of the day you’d prefer they care for the grandkids.  At some point you’ll have to review this with your in-laws. They will more than likely have some ideas of their own regarding “their” vacation.  Remember this idea only works if your in-laws feel useful not used. If this is not handled carefully you may have a stress-cation instead of a vacation. For you few, you happy few – you band of sisters.  Okay, I’m off the soapbox. Seriously, those of you that get along with your in-laws have no idea the enormity of your luck.  Your in-laws may actually pay for part of the vacation or cook meals. They might want the kids all day, every day!

      Don’t forget the sleeping arrangements. It would be wise to work that out in advance.  Are you renting an apartment, suite, rooms or cabin?  Will you be sharing these accommodations with your in-laws? Are they making separate arrangements? They might have friends or family near the destination area they may want to stay with.  Be sure to hammer this out before any reservations are made. 

     I have a friend who planned out the entire vacation only to find out her in-laws planned to leave three days early to visit with cousins before returning home.  Needless to say my friend was upset.  She’d already made the reservations and created an itinerary based on a ten day trip. This was emotional and financial stress she probably could have done without.  Did I mention she didn’t the news flash until after  arriving at the hotel. So for those of you who can’t deal with a short visit with your in-laws without visions of hara–kiri (\ha-ri-ˈkir-ē\) a vacation with the in-laws may not be such a good idea. If you can’t even sit down with your in-laws to plan a trip where you’ll spend most your time in their company – nix it. 

     Hopefully your spouse understands that your relationship takes precedence over his need to please his parents.  He should be able to support a decision that might mean the in-laws will not be joining your trip. If you have a strong relationship with your spouse, he should feel empowered to say “Mom, Dad – it’s just not a good idea this time.”  For better or worse you have inherited another set of parents. For better or worse you will have to figure out some way of incorporating them into your lives. Nothing says they have to be incorporated into your vacation.