Don't Be A Louse - Miss Your Spouse!

     Ever wonder what your husband is doing while you are away?  Find yourself missing his loud snore on the other side of the bed? Can’t understand why you miss the big lug?  According to Esther Perel  and her discussion on Ted “couples are most drawn to their partners when they are apart or reunite.”  

     If you’ve been following me long, you’ve probably read my article Is More Time Apart Good For Your Relationship and know that I believe there are certain factors that need to be explored when deciding how, whether or when to spend time apart. Now I want to share my observations on our reactions or feelings to time spent apart and the reunion. 

     It’s normal for couples to miss each other when separated.  It’s normal to feel happy when you’re reunited.  Your spouse is the half that makes you whole after all.  That being said it’s not normal to remotely stalk your spouse.  You know who you are! The call-every-minute spouse.  The ten-text-a-minute spouse.  The why-aren’t-you-in-your-room spouse.   The why-haven’t-you-returned-any-of-my-calls spouse.  Quit it!

     My husband and I only spend time apart when forced by circumstances beyond our control:  work or military.  Because these take up a significant portion of our time we value any opportunity to be together. This is not to say we don’t have hobbies or alone time.  We simply choose – at times – to share even our hobbies.  If my husband knows he’ll be gone on a business trip for the week, we’ll spend the weekend prior together.  We’ll go hunting, fishing, shopping, run errands or just spend time at home with a good cup of coffee enjoying each other’s company.

     My maternal grandparents spent over seventy years together before each passed away.  I could probably count on one hand the amount of times they were separated in my lifetime.  My grandfather enjoyed long walks by himself.  My grandmother enjoyed reading.  Other than they were together: cooking, cleaning, working, etc.  They owned and operated several businesses together.  They raised what is concerned by today’s standards a large amount of children together. It’s by their example that I measure my marriage.  If they could have a healthy and close marriage through the Great Depression, Recession and the passing of their children what gives me the right to be lazy in my relationship.

     Give yourself permission to miss your spouse but don’t make them feel guilty over the time apart. So if you find yourself suddenly smelling the empty pillow next to you or calling your wife just to hear her voice on the voice mail – you are not alone!   What do you do to pass the time?  How do you express your love to your spouse before or after a period of separation?  What’s your advice?