What You Wish You Could Tell Your MIL - So, Why Don't You?

Do:

Compliment me - Send positive energy my way; put a hold on the negativity. There must be something I do right in your eyes. Focus on that and let things grow from there.

Accept me - I'm not you, I will never be you, I’m the person your son fell in-love with.  I am the woman your son chose to spend the rest of his life with and have his children.  You raised him, trust you did a good job.

Acknowledge me - I am the woman of this house. Your home is your castle, this one’s mine! Respect the decisions that are made in my home, remember you are a guest. If I ask you not smoke in my home, don’t. If my home is vegan, don’t harp on the lack of meat in your meal.  If I say our bedroom is off limits, hello – there’s the whole rest of the house to roam.

 

Don't:

Blame me – I am not responsible for what your son says or does (or doesn't); he’s an adult.  Maybe he has “changed” – maybe he’s growing as a husband. He has new responsibilities now.  He still loves you, I promise that will not change.

Talk about me – Please don’t go behind my back and discuss me with your son.  This puts him in the middle of the two women his loves most in the world.  Don’t push him to choose, his choice may surprise you.  Instead come straight to the source – me.  I welcome the chance to change your mind about me.

Stalk me – Stop calling or visiting several times a day; give me time to miss you.  This applies to everyone: friends, co-workers and my  family.  No one likes to be smothered.  Do you really want to star in an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond? One guess on your role.

Wake me – Calls after 11PM for non-emergencies, really?  What thoughts running through your mind whispered “It’s okay, call them.  They’ll want to chat”.  Bored? Read a book. Lonely? Roll-over, see him – that’s your husband, wake him up.

 

     I want to be your friend.  I want to welcome you into my home and my life with open arms.  Help me learn to be a good partner for your son.  Share your stories of lessons learned.  Help me include you in our family. Recall how lonely you might have felt the first year of your marriage.  Keep reminding yourself that you are a DIL, too.  You “stole” someone’s son, “changed” him. Honor your marriage by honoring mine.  Now if you’re ready, come on in.  The welcome mat is out – the coffee is ready.