Bad Gifts From Your In-laws

     "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." Groucho Marx nailed this one. This is what crossed my mind, along with plenty of expletives, when I saw my husband standing in front of me holding the latest gift from my in-laws. I realize I’m not the only person out there with passive aggressive in-laws so I took a look on the web for examples of really bad gifts given by in-laws or the In-lawism gift giving process.  In-lawism \ˈin-ˌlȯ i-zəm\ gift giving : a gift your in-law gives you that is either inappropriate or hurtful.

Victim	Gift Received	Guilty Party
DIL	Jersey Sweaters	MIL
SIL	How-To Books	FIL
DIL	Sunscreen	FIL
SIL	Tube Socks	MIL and FIL
DIL	Wedding Cake Topper – her own!	MIL
SIL	Buffet Certificates	MIL and FIL
DIL	Cleaning Supplies	MIL
SIL	Diet Book	FIL
DIL	Umbrella	MIL and FIL
DIL	Tweety Bird Watch	BIL
DIL	Bra – that was way to small	MIL
DIL	Salad Spinner	MIL
DIL	Butter Knives	MIL

  

     Given my newly acquired knowledge that I am not the only victim, I feel free to share my shame.  Chickens. Yes, chickens. Live, clucking, scratching, cockadoodle-doo’ing chickens.  After several attempts to convince my husband of the impractical nature of this gift – or gifts? – loyalty to his parents won out. Ok, so I didn’t win this battle. Could I win the war?

     I made a point of doing everything I possibly could to support my husband with the caretaking involved in raising chickens. I took my turn feeding, watering and protecting them from the elements and stopping chicken fights.  When he went to military drills I took on all responsibility for the chickens. Not like I had anything else to do – like work outside the home, take care of the dogs and our home. Nope, nothing to do.

     I hoped and prayed that eventually he’d grow so weary of the additional work involved he’d see the light. It took months and many chicken fights but he did come to see my point of view.  He agreed to give away all the chicken but one rooster. Not one to look a gift horse in the beak - er mouth - I took what I could get. Full disclosure: my in-laws also tried to gift us a dog while we were dating. I worry each time my husband visits his parents alone that we’ll end up some contraption or live animal and months of inconvenience before my husband finally gives in. I take solace in the fact that I am not alone. I swim in a sea of sisters (and some brothers!) fighting every day to stay afloat in the harsh, murky waters of in-laws.