In
this electronic age the introduction to my husband’s parents happened was via
e-mail. He informed his parents that he
invited me to share the Christmas holiday with them. He saw it as an
opportunity for all of us to meet. His
parents swiftly responded with an e-mail advising him that while he was welcome
to visit – I was not. If he were going
to insist on having me there they recommended he stay at his brother’s house
during my visit and I could join him there. Rejection One.
Rejection
Two - over the phone. Now this was actually well executed and I had to tip my
hat off to the in-laws. For clarity I
will refer to my brother-in-law as BIL, my mother-in-law as MIL and my
father-in-law as FIL. I was speaking
with BIL when my husband left to go tend to a load of laundry. Seeing an opportunity I explained to BIL that
I wanted to surprise his brother with a gift.
It was to be delivered while I was on the train to his hometown. I
needed BIL to provide me with his parents address since it was there we were to
meet. BIL put me on speakerphone and I
relayed my plan to his mom or MIL who sweetly agreed.
Fast-forward to my journey from the
train station to his parents’ house.
BIL’s cell phone rings. Surprise, surprise it’s MIL. She needs a favor. She just decided the
perfect Christmas gift for her husband was a toolbox for his truck. Could we,
would we pretty please drop by the store to purchase it for her. Oh and sorry but she would not be at the house
to sign for my surprise gift for her son. She would, however, be back on time
to let us into the home with the gift.
Once we arrived at the store, BIL and
I walked over to a different aisle so my husband could not over hear. BIL
called his mother and angrily reminded her that she had promised to be at the
home to sign for the delivery. After a
two minute exchange BIL hangs up, looks at me and tells me that if I was
serious about his brother I need to know something right from the start. That’s
when my BIL quickly told me his mother had a real knack of making the men in
the family feel guilty about absolutely nothing and getting her way. I shook my head thinking he must be
exaggerating. After all, this wonderful man I had gotten to know so well – he couldn’t
possibly have been raised by someone so manipulative. By the way, we got the
toolbox.
Fast-forward again. This time to my
arrival at the home. Thankfully, the
delivery of my surprise gift was delayed.
Less than five minutes after our arrival the doorbell rings. I suggested
to my husband that he answer the door since he was the closest. Imagine the look on his face when he realized
the delivery was for him. The look of surprise was quickly replaced by one of
delight as he held up a single red rose and a stuffed monkey that giggled, “I
love you”. Let me take this opportunity to explain that ours was a friendship
that morphed into a loving relationship.
We had just recently expressed our love for each other as more than just
friends.
Rejection Three – yes there’s more –
happened when my husband took his father on a trip to the local store. This was
a thinly veiled attempted to give me and MIL time to get to know each other. My
MIL watched by the window as the men drove off. Once she was sure they were
gone she turned to me and said, “Let me tell you how things are going to be…”
She then went on to tell me I couldn’t possibly come between her and her
son. I would never be as close to him as
she is. How she just knows almost
telepathically when he is sick or needs to talk. She then proceeded to pull out
a photo album to point out that it contains childhood pictures of my husband
that I will never get my hands on. I was just another woman that would come and
go in his life. She was the only one he could depend on.
It was truly a comical tirade. Once I was sure she was done I delivered my
response. I explained that while I
appreciated her clarifications I was going to tell her how it was really going
to be. I began by letting her know that I was not trying to replace her as I
had no intentions of being his mother. Gross!
I was glad she felt they were close. I was happy she had documented his
childhood. I was sorry if there were
other women in his life before me that have hurt him. It was not my intention
to hurt him. I was actually extremely well off and had no need of his money.
While I would like it if his family accepted me I really only needed his
acceptance. I expressed my desire to
keep things civil for his sake. MIL
smiled and offered me coffee. I was wondering if this was a good idea when the
men arrived.
Okay, so where are we are we? Oh, yes
… Rejection Four. Something really funny happens in the beginning of most
relationships. That’s when the both of you just can’t stand to be apart. This is great unless you are trying to buy a
super secret surprise Christmas gift. I
know what you’re thinking. Just ask
someone in his family to either distract him or pick up the gift. Good thinking, wish I’d thought of it. Oh
wait, I did!
I asked my FIL if he could distract
his son long enough for me to pick up the gift. That’s when my FIL informed me
he couldn’t see that happening. He had
noticed his son barely left my side. At that, as if responding to a flick of
his ear, my husband turns around and walks over to us to ask what we were so
secret squirrel about. I told him that
we were getting to know each other. He
seemed to accept that and walked away again.
My FIL asked me what gift I planned to buy and from where. Once I gave
him the details my FIL offered to purchase and pick-up the gift. My FIL said I
could write him a check once he gives me the receipt.
Now, I feel the need to explain why
it’s difficult to shop for my husband. He doesn’t like to ask for things. He
works hard for the material things in his life.
He has not had an easy life having had a string of bad luck with women
that have used him for his money. He hit rock bottom financially for a while
and had to fight to get back on level ground. As a result, if he wants
something he will get it himself. Try buying a gift for someone like that. That
said, I will share that he is an avid sportsman – hunter, fisherman, etc. He is also a collector of firearms. While we
were window shopping one day he expressed interest in one weapon he wanted to
add to his collection. Ding!
Needless to say I was appreciative and
could not believe my luck when my FIL offered his help by purchasing the
surprise gift. Imagine my surprise when
my FIL later advised me he had indeed purchased the gift and decided he would
present it as coming from him. In so
many words I was given to understand that I was just another woman that would
come and go in his life – hmm, where have I heard that before – and it wouldn’t
matter what I gave him. In the meantime, this would be the perfect gift for him
to give his son. I wish I could say this
was the end. I can’t. I wish I could say that after ten years of marriage (and
going strong!) there was at least acceptance and respect. Unfortunately, it is only the beginning of a
long list of rejections. This was just a
tiny fleck on the pimple of the rear end that was at that moment the longest
week of my life.
Hating to end things on a negative
note I will share that that was the week my husband proposed. Take a moment and appreciate the irony. Guess
I’d be sticking around a little longer than they thought!
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