These bits of advice are based on well-known quotes or just good advice I have received. I believe they hold much weight and can be applied to all relationships:
-Beware the relative that shares a little too much too quickly. Unless you are one of the lucky few that marries into that wonderful in-law family we all dream of, take heed. This is the relative that will try to gain your confidence by pretending to share intimate details pertaining to themselves or that of other family members. Their goal is to learn just enough about you and your relationship with your spouse. Just enough to sabotage it!
-“Be the change you want to see.” (Mahatma Gandhi) Have you ever heard the expression “You teach people how to treat you”? Same principle.
-Make a point of trying to find a positive quality that in-law may have. You may have to look deep but give it a shot.
-“Nobody can hurt me without my permission.” (Mahatma Gandhi) I think this one is self-explanatory.
-“Kill them with kindness”. Have you ever noticed that the nicer you are the more it annoys those trying to get under your skin? Ah, but you feel so good!
-“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else.” (Albert Einstein) Let’s say your in-law is trying to make you the bad guy all time by asking for favors that are either inconvenient or inappropriate. For example, that father-in-law that calls your husband all the time to ask for favors that usually entail lifting or moving heavy furniture. Now, I know what you’re thinking. What’s the problem with that? Nothing, unless your husband has had two necks surgeries and is medically barred from doing heavy lifting. Common sense tells this in-law the request is wrong. Learn to play better. Suggest another relative, say that buck with nothing better to do. Every family has one. If you feel it appropriate, offer to pay that relative. Your in-law may feel bad about your offering to pay and let it drop (or pay). If your in-law is just that dense, this suggestion may actually activate the “Oh, yeah!” factor which translates into “I forgot he had neck surgery.”
- “Leroy bet me I couldn’t find a pot of gold at the end, and I told him that was a stupid bet because the rainbow was enough.” (Rita Mae Brown) Maybe you’ll never have that perfect relationship with your in-laws. That’s just a pot of gold you’ll never find. Be satisfied with “Okay” and remember that your spouse or partner is your rainbow!
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