Over the years
I’ve learned a lot about what works and doesn’t work in my marriage. In
the military it’s referred to as Lessons Learned.
Oddly enough I’ve come to realize that these lessons are not much different
from the lessons you learn as a child.
Watch out for speeders. Look both ways. Take note of where you are - don’t get lost. Remember when you were growing up and made a new friend? You might have let yourself get lost in the friendship. You went everywhere and did everything together. Mom and Dad probably suggested you remember who you are, what you like, what you want. Don’t get lost in your friendship. Notice any similarities? When you first entered your relationship with your spouse didn’t you want to do everything together?
So, I listened. I applied their advice to most things in my life including my relationships. Relationships with my family, friends, co-workers, etc. I looked both ways. I watched out for speeders. I took note of where I was - I didn’t get lost.
When it comes to my relationship with my husband I find it a bit more difficult to apply – but apply it I do. I show interest, appreciation and respect for his wants and needs. I try to understand his feelings. I try to see his point of view. Most importantly I don’t get lost. I don’t have to go hunting and fishing with him every day of every season for him to know that I appreciate and understand his interests. He knows I realize how important these things are to him and that’s enough.
I’ve learned that these same lessons apply to my relationship with my in-laws. I don’t have to get lost in their wants and needs. I don’t have to let them manipulate me or my spouse. I am not bound into mental and emotional servitude because I married their son. I don’t have to spend all holidays with them. I don’t have to have Sunday dinners with them. I don’t have to give up my hopes and dreams for my marriage because they don’t align perfectly with their plans. I am not lost.
I’ve learned I am not alone. With the love and support I receive from my husband when it comes to our relationship with my in-laws I’ve learned to relate to my in-laws in a positive and meaningful way. I can respect my in-laws without feeling disrespected. I can spend time with them without giving up all our time. I can help them without feeling manipulated.
We expect and at times demand room to grow in our relationship as a couple. We try to share in common interests. We try to remind them that their son is all grown up. We try to remind them that I am not the enemy. I am an extension of their son. We are constantly re-learning and re-applying childhood lessons to fit the circumstances of our lives.
In case you were wondering though – yes, I do have my own fishing pole, hunting outfit and muck boots.
Watch out for speeders. Look both ways. Take note of where you are - don’t get lost. Remember when you were growing up and made a new friend? You might have let yourself get lost in the friendship. You went everywhere and did everything together. Mom and Dad probably suggested you remember who you are, what you like, what you want. Don’t get lost in your friendship. Notice any similarities? When you first entered your relationship with your spouse didn’t you want to do everything together?
So, I listened. I applied their advice to most things in my life including my relationships. Relationships with my family, friends, co-workers, etc. I looked both ways. I watched out for speeders. I took note of where I was - I didn’t get lost.
When it comes to my relationship with my husband I find it a bit more difficult to apply – but apply it I do. I show interest, appreciation and respect for his wants and needs. I try to understand his feelings. I try to see his point of view. Most importantly I don’t get lost. I don’t have to go hunting and fishing with him every day of every season for him to know that I appreciate and understand his interests. He knows I realize how important these things are to him and that’s enough.
I’ve learned that these same lessons apply to my relationship with my in-laws. I don’t have to get lost in their wants and needs. I don’t have to let them manipulate me or my spouse. I am not bound into mental and emotional servitude because I married their son. I don’t have to spend all holidays with them. I don’t have to have Sunday dinners with them. I don’t have to give up my hopes and dreams for my marriage because they don’t align perfectly with their plans. I am not lost.
I’ve learned I am not alone. With the love and support I receive from my husband when it comes to our relationship with my in-laws I’ve learned to relate to my in-laws in a positive and meaningful way. I can respect my in-laws without feeling disrespected. I can spend time with them without giving up all our time. I can help them without feeling manipulated.
We expect and at times demand room to grow in our relationship as a couple. We try to share in common interests. We try to remind them that their son is all grown up. We try to remind them that I am not the enemy. I am an extension of their son. We are constantly re-learning and re-applying childhood lessons to fit the circumstances of our lives.
In case you were wondering though – yes, I do have my own fishing pole, hunting outfit and muck boots.
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